Redefining Romance: What Valentine’s Day Should Really Be About
In case you haven’t realized it yet, it’s almost Valentine’s Day. The commercialization of this holiday usually starts the day after Christmas as aisles of lights and Christmas trees turn into those of hearts, chocolate and stuffed animals. You can’t go into a store and not be reminded of this upcoming day. Restaurants promote their romantic menu, pizza shops will make a heart pizza for you and your love and cards the size of movie posters are found at the entrance of Walmart.
Though for some men it can be a holiday that paralyzes them with fear…. fear of forgetting, of not living up to the romantic expectations, of not getting it right. The fear of failing to meet the cultural norm of bigger boxes of chocolates, gigantic bouquets of expensive flowers, larger than life stuffed animals, the most expensive dinner ever, is very real. We buy into the bigger is better and the more money I spend, the more my love shows. This is materialism at it’s best. This holiday shouldn’t be about celebrating with stuff. Can we out do what we did last year? Can we out do the guy in the cubicle next to us at work? Can we be the best boyfriend or husband ever? All these material things create an illusion of love and romance and while gifts and token of love and appreciation are wonderful, they are not at what the heart of Valentine’s Day should be about.
When I think of Valentine’s Day I think of love and romance but more specifically how can I express my love in the manner in which my spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend receives love best. Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. In case you have never heard these phrases, they come from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. We usually give love in the way we want to receive it but that is not necessarily the way our special someone receives love best. If we can give love, in their own love language, it will be received very differently that if we are giving them what we want. I encourage you to take the Love Language Quiz along with your spouse or boy/girlfriend and find out what your love languages are and start sharing love in the manner that speaks to them.
I’m not against chocolates and dinner out, though please don’t buy me cut flowers, it’s a waste of money (at least in my opinion), but our love should not be confined to just one day of the year. To build a healthy relationship, we need to be making daily deposits of love to grow our relationships. Though this Valentine’s Day, go ahead, buy your love their favorite chocolates, get them a sizable bouquet or go out on a date and share how much they mean to you, just don’t get caught up in trying to fulfil the expectations of society, only to fail and be disappointed. Show love often and spoken in a language that will be understood by your special someone.